I haven't wanted to admit something, but I think it's time.
I'm afraid in the water.
That stinking rip current last year really did a number on me. I didn't realize it at first this year -- I was so in denial that even I didn't recognize it! -- but I'm finally recognizing my fear. All my race swim times were off this season, despite setting PR after PR in the pool. At first I beat myself up over it a little. Then I got frustrated.
Finally, after the fiasco that was Diamondman, I admitted what I've been reluctant to accept. I'm afraid.
In almost every race, I was out of breath and fighting a racing heartbeat in the swim. Thinking I was going out too fast -- just like I do in the run -- I slowed myself down. Now, I realize that my racing heart wasn't overexertion. It was panic.
So, what do I do? Obviously, spending more time in the pool isn't going to help. I've trained my butt off in the pool this year. The pool is safe. Comforting. Easy.
More open water swims in training? I did short races this year, but more of them than normal. I also swam in bodies of water I've never swam in before. So more open water swimming may or may not help me.
Is it all in my head? Do I need more yoga and meditation?
Is it even something I can overcome? Or am I destined to just be afraid in the water forever? Do I need to just accept it?
Whatever the answer, I know this. I hate it. I hate that something I LOVED so much -- being in the water, swimming, feeling so carefree and weightless and ALIVE -- has been taken away from me.
