MP Quote of the Week

One of my favorites...

"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." ~ Sarah Palin, getting the role of the Vice President wrong after being asked by a third grade student what the Vice President does

Mother of the Year

This story of unconditional love brought tears to my eyes.

I only wish Edmonton were closer; I'd go adopt Esperanza myself.

-1 again

Not too shabby for the holiday week. A loss is a loss.

Last week I ran 3x (insomnia completely derailed my workout plans), lifted 3x, and did not make it to yoga. Oh well.

This week's goals:
- Run 4x
- Lift 3x
- Yoga if possible on Friday or Saturday (I'll check the holiday class schedule)
- Stay warm in my heat-less office!

Merry and happy to all.

MP* Quote of the Week!

(*Moronic Palin, for those who forgot)

"Going out there and winning this would mean a lot. It would be like a big middle finger out there to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me." ~ Bristol Palin, on live television during the finale of Dancing with the Stars

Stay classy, Bristol.

-1

Not bad. 151 this morning. It's moving in the right direction, at least!

How did I do on last week's goals?
- Skipped only one full day, but skipped a few workouts during the week nonetheless. For example, Tuesday I didn't feel well so I just lifted and skipped my run. Friday I ran out of time and didn't run, but I did teach a boot camp class. You get the idea.
- Did eat more fruits and veggies. And M&Ms.
- Lifted weights 3x. Yes!

This week's goals are:
- Get more sleep.
- Run four times.
- Lift weights at least two times.
- Make it to yoga once.

I can do this.

How are my partners in crime doing???

This week's goals

I started the week at 152 again. Considering the fact that I skipped four -- yes, four! -- workouts last week and ate out all weekend in NYC, I am OK with maintaining.

I've decided to make my goals public, again in the hope that doing so will shame me into meeting them.

This week, I will:
- Not skip any workouts (that means one day off, and one day only)
- Increase fruit and veggie intake
- Lift weights at least twice

Clearly, I'm subscribing to the KISS method. :)

A new feature!

I hope you all enjoy a new feature on Fit Goddess: the Moronic Palin* Quote of the Week!

*(Yes, I do realize this is redundant and repetitive!)

Here's this week's gem:

"I like being here because it seems like here and in our last rally too - other parts around this great Northwest - here in New Hampshire you just get it." ~ Sarah Palin

This has got to stop

I've gained weight. I am very close to my all-time heaviest right now. I knew I'd gained a few pounds (you always know...), but this morning I put on a pair of pants I love and ALWAYS get compliments on... and I couldn't get them over my butt.

So, it's time to hold myself accountable.

For the poor food choices.
For the missed workouts.
For the unhealthy and constant snacks.
For the holiday overindulgence.
For allowing myself to fall apart like this.

While I recognize that December is the absolute worst month of the year to start a diet or expect a negative trend on the scale, I am starting anyway. No time like the present, right?

I'm posting this (at the risk of totally humiliating myself) because I hope it will shame me into doing something about it rather than just mope and complain about how much I hate myself right now.

Starting weight (as of Monday) = 152.

There. It's public knowledge now.

Let me save you a few bucks

Do not waste your time or money on L'Oreal Root Rescue. That stuff is The Suck.

Trust me.

How soon can I try again with another brand???

A breakthrough

I had a major breakthrough this weekend. I'd been afraid in open water since I was caught in a rip current last November in OBX. All my tris this summer were a struggle, and I didn't realize it until a big panic attack in my last race. (All summer I thought my heart was racing in my swims b/c I was swimming faster; no, it was racing b/c I was having anxiety attacks!)

Well, during my long run on Saturday I realized I'm looking at it all wrong. Instead of looking at my experience as proof of how scary the water is or how vulnerable I would be if something happened, I should realize how strong I am. I was caught in a nasty, horrid rip current the day before a hurricane hit. I had already run a half marathon that morning, I hadn't eaten properly afterward, I was cold and dehydrated, I was exhausted, and I GOT OUT OF IT. It took me nearly 45 minutes, but I did it.

I'm not incapable. I'm not a bad swimmer.

I am strong.

Now I can't wait for the 2011 tri season!

Thankful

Every year at Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. The one rule is that we all assume that we are thankful for our health and for being together, so we try to think of different things to name; those are a given.

As always, I am thankful for so much. And yes, my health (and my loved ones' health) is at the top of the list. Here's a partial list. There's no way I could list all the blessings I've been given.

I am thankful for:
- The fact that the most wonderful, selfless, giving man I've ever met decided he wanted to be with me. Me! Of all people. I can't ever express how thankful I am to have him in my life.
- His safe trip east in September.
- The people that took him in along his way and gave him shelter, a good meal, a safe place to sleep, and their friendship. You know who you are. I am forever indebted to all of you.
- My wonderful family. I consider my mother and brother to be my best friends. How many people can say that?
- The fact that a kooky, mismatched, much larger than expected group of people is descending on my house for dinner tomorrow. There aren't enough seats for everyone, and there certainly isn't room at the dining room table, but we'll make it work. I am so thankful that people feel welcome in my home and want to be there.
- My pets. They entertain me every day and make me smile.
- My job. How lucky am I to have a boss I admire and respect, a job I am capable of doing well, and coworkers I adore?
- The healing that has taken place in my family this year. The hurts are still there, but we are all working hard to move forward instead of backward. SC, I know you read this blog. I love you like a sister. Never forget that.
- My friends! Where would I be without my friends?? Old and new, male and female, I have the absolute best group of friends in the world.
- My friendship with IronEx. There will always be a special place in my heart for him. I wish him only the very best in everything he does, and I'm grateful that we have remained friends.
- This will sound silly, but I'm thankful for the Philadelphia Flyers. They have given me great joy (and great heartache) for more than 35 years of my life.
- Related to that, I'm very thankful that I finally took the plunge and purchased a season ticket plan this year. What took me so long?
- My ability to run, bike, swim, dance, walk, jump, teach classes, and have fun doing all of it (most of the time).
- My house and everything in it. Sounds obvious, but there are so many people who have so little. I have been given much.

There is so much more to list. I am humbled by all that I have and truly appreciate all of it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Front row, baby!

My dear friend Samme gave me tickets to the Flyers game Saturday... in the front row right behind the visitors' bench! I've sat that close before (lucky girl that I am!), but this time I really appreciated the players' athleticism and speed. From farther up in the stadium, or from the comfort of home watching on tv, you really have no perception of just how fast the game really moves.

It was pure awesomeness.

Here are two pictures taken with our phones. My phone doesn't zoom at all, and the picture is still so close and clear.















Dave took this action shot with his phone.

















I love this game.

THANK YOU, SAMME!!

For the dog lovers out there

I received this in an email. It was not the first time I've read it, nor was it the first time I cried while reading it. Hope you enjoy.

A Dog's Purpose

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"

The six year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."


Things we can learn from dogs

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

Official Race Results

52:20 chip time
4/19 in my age group
14/82 women overall

Wow. I really needed to see this this week.

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp, or are you going to be strong today?'" ~ Peter Maher, two-time Olympic marathoner

So what went wrong?

After a disappointing triathlon season, I decided to train for (OK, cram for! Jill was right) a 10K yesterday. It was on the Riverfront and consisted of a much flatter and easier course than any other 10K I've ever done, so I thought a new PR would be a breeze. My current 10K PR was set in 2006... so it's time I break it.

My original goal was to PR, but my real goal was to break 50 minutes for the first time. That would mean a 46 second PR on an easier course. Should have been no problem.

With only five weeks until race day, I hired Iron Ex, the most talented coach I know -- and frankly the only person I trust to train me. With his help while we were together, I'd PRed at pretty much everything I tried, so I knew he would be tough but effective. I went from 2-3 runs per week (10-12 miles max) all spring and summer to 5-6 runs per week (20-27 miles). I did speedwork, hills, tempo runs, and long(er) runs (7-8 miles) on the weekends. I thought my legs would fall off, and I dreamed up new curse words to call him on the track pretty regularly, but I did it.

Saturday night D and I had Flyers tickets. Thinking I was being so smart, I ate before the game to avoid eating crap at the game. Unfortunately, I didn't eat again, except for some Twizzlers, for the rest of the night Saturday. In hindsight, I should have had something before going to bed.

Sunday morning, I had some cereal and a banana, and I made a mental note to make my traditional pre-race peanut butter sandwich for the car.

And then I forgot all about the sandwich.

Those errors killed me. Not enough food on Saturday, no food LATE on Saturday, and not nearly enough Sunday morning before the race. I started out feeling strong and confident, hitting my watch at 7:54 at the one mile marker. A bit too fast -- I needed to run 8s the whole race to break 50 minutes -- but I felt good. It didn't feel too fast. I knew I'd slow down a bit, and I was happy to have those extra precious seconds in the bank, as my friend Chris would say.

Mile 2 had the only significant hill. I knew I'd slowed down a little bit, but again I was OK with it. Until I hit my watch at the mile 2 marker and saw a big 8:25 taunting me. WTF??

I tried to pick it up during mile 3, but the turnaround was about a quarter mile into this mile and the tailwind I never even knew was aiding me turned into a really awful headwind. Everyone at this point was complaining about it. Oh well, nothing we can do about it. I think mile 3 was 8:14. Better, but still not good enough.

During mile 4 we ran next to the river and had to battle a pretty significant crosswind. Note: crosswinds are almost as hard as headwinds. I think mile 4 was 8:15, but I'm not 100% sure. It was a struggle to maintain that pace, and I knew I couldn't go any faster.

By mile 5 I knew I wasn't going to break 50 minutes or PR. I knew I'd blown it. My legs weighed about 80 pounds each at this point. I had no energy. I was mentally shutting down. I desperately looked for D and Shaggy along the course, telling myself I would stop to pet Shaggy for 10 seconds and get a second wind (no pun intended). I never did find them, and that was devastating. I so desperately wanted to stop, even for a second. Nearly in tears, I hit my watch at 8:24 for mile 5.

And then in mile 6, it all fell apart. I stopped even trying. I think you could best call what I was doing a shuffle. My legs were done, my brain was done, and I wanted to just walk off the course and never run again. Mile 6 was 9 freaking 05.

I don't even know what the final 2/10ths were. And I don't care. By my watch, my final time was 52:21. Two and a half minutes over my goal.

I don't know if I can do this any more. It hasn't been fun in a long, long time. I hate to finish this way, but I hate even more the thought of putting in the effort for nothing.

I think my bad attitude and I need some time to figure this out.

Halloween

My creative juices are at a low*, so I'm reaching out to get YOUR good ideas. What should I be for Halloween this year?

*Actually, that's not entirely true. I just gave my cousin a great costume idea! Doesn't really help me, though... so now I need your help. :)

The criteria:
Has to be fun. Cute. Preferably sexy but not overtly so. No face paint. Wigs are OK, though I'm completely hideous as a blonde... but I'm willing to don a blonde wig if it's appropriate for the costume. Pop culture references are great but not necessary. Should be easy enough for people to figure out without having to ask me, "So... what are you??"

So please leave a comment with your good ideas. As an incentive, I'll offer a prize if I choose your idea -- chocolate-covered pretzels from Govatos Chocolates.

Ready GO!

In denial

I haven't wanted to admit something, but I think it's time.

I'm afraid in the water.

That stinking rip current last year really did a number on me. I didn't realize it at first this year -- I was so in denial that even I didn't recognize it! -- but I'm finally recognizing my fear. All my race swim times were off this season, despite setting PR after PR in the pool. At first I beat myself up over it a little. Then I got frustrated.

Finally, after the fiasco that was Diamondman, I admitted what I've been reluctant to accept. I'm afraid.

In almost every race, I was out of breath and fighting a racing heartbeat in the swim. Thinking I was going out too fast -- just like I do in the run -- I slowed myself down. Now, I realize that my racing heart wasn't overexertion. It was panic.

So, what do I do? Obviously, spending more time in the pool isn't going to help. I've trained my butt off in the pool this year. The pool is safe. Comforting. Easy.

More open water swims in training? I did short races this year, but more of them than normal. I also swam in bodies of water I've never swam in before. So more open water swimming may or may not help me.

Is it all in my head? Do I need more yoga and meditation?

Is it even something I can overcome? Or am I destined to just be afraid in the water forever? Do I need to just accept it?

Whatever the answer, I know this. I hate it. I hate that something I LOVED so much -- being in the water, swimming, feeling so carefree and weightless and ALIVE -- has been taken away from me.

Off to the races. Just not the ones I expected to be doing.

At the beginning of this year, I had two main racing goals:
1. Break 3 hours in an Olympic-distance triathlon.
2. Break 1:50 in a half marathon.

As it turns out, none of the local Olympic tris initially fit into my schedule or budget. By the time I figured out when I could do one, they were sold out.

So, onto goal 2, the half marathon. I found out about a new race in Hershey, PA, with a chocolate aid station. Yes, you read that right. Chocolate at mile 12! I signed up on the spot, reserved a hotel room, and booked spa treatments for the day after the race.

Meanwhile, I wrote and rewrote and revised (and re-revised!) my training plan as I tried to figure out when to do what, whether or not I could fit in any triathlons, and how to work my family vacation into the plan. The heat of the summer -- and some still-unexplained health issues -- absolutely destroyed my long runs. And most of my other runs, as well. The two friends I train with most frequently were both preparing for Half Ironmans this summer, which meant that our training schedules were very rarely in sync. Left to do speedwork by myself in 100 degrees, I opted instead to stay home on the sofa watching bad tv. I tried to keep up with the long runs, at least, but never got into double digits. Not once.

And vacation? Forget it. I worked out most days, but for fun. No specific training; I just did what I wanted to do. Mentally, it was wonderful. As far as race readiness, though, I sabotaged my goals.

So now I'm here, at the end of the summer, with no double digit runs to my name. I've done one sprint triathlon, one duathlon, and my first Splash and Dash. I am finally accepting the fact that the HM is not meant to be this year, at least not on October 3. Because of that, I freed up my schedule to allow for my true love -- triathlons.

And that's how it came to be that I am doing a sprint this Saturday and another sprint next Sunday, a mere 8 days apart. Maybe that's the challenge I was meant to do this year.

I've been a bad blogger

This is what happens when you are cramming to get everything done at work before vacation. And then go on vacation and don't watch tv, read a newspaper, or go online for eight blissful days. :)

Too much to type now, but suffice it to say vacation was wonderful and I'm less than thrilled to be back to normal. Well, as normal as I get, anyway.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

When I was five years old, I was Mary Poppins in the Little Folks Fair, a variety show put on by my preschool every year. Most of the numbers in the Fair were group songs, and each year the show was a bit different based on the kindergarten class. The school director hand-picked me to play Mary Poppins and sing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and do a tap dance -- alone! Apparently, before the show my mother asked me if I was nervous. My reply was, "Mom, I'm simply going to do the best I can do." No nerves. No stagefright. Just calm and assured.

My mother told me the story (again!) this weekend of how all the other songs were very simplistic (we were only five, after all!), and how several of the other kids were picking their noses onstage, or forgetting their lines, or whatever. (Again, it's a kindergarten production!)

And then I came out, literally belting out my big solo. My mother and aunt were sobbing their faces off in the audience. Behind them, another audience member said, "Now THERE'S a talented child." Well, forget it. Mom and my aunt were hysterical.

During yesterday's truly craptastic 9-mile run, I recalled the conversation Mom and I had had Saturday night and wondered where that fearless child had gone. At what point do we lose that fearlessness? That feeling of invincibility? Sure, I'm older and wiser now... but I'm also much more fearful, more critical, and more cynical.

Yesterday I was ready to give up running forever. I wanted to stop. I wanted to sit on the curb and wait for someone to take pity on me and drive me home. I was disgusted with myself, disappointed in my conditioning, and in tears over how bad it hurt and how awful it felt.

"Where did that little girl go?" I wondered. "What happened to her? To me? She feared nothing, and I'm in tears over a bad run? She wouldn't have ever dreamed of giving up, but I'm thinking about dropping out of my fall Half Marathon?"

I want to be Mary Poppins again. I want to shine, to be confident, to be content. I want to be able to take chances and not worry about failing. And if I do fail, I want to be able to say, "That's OK. I simply did the best I could do."

So I might have an explanation for what's been ailing me

If you've read this blog on any kind of regular basis, you probably have recognized that I haven't been myself recently. My moods have varied widely, my motivation is at an all-time low, and I'm not deriving pleasure from the things I have always loved. I'm also battling horrendous insomnia and female problems, but until recently (thank you, D) I hadn't realized there could be a connection... other than "I'm bleeding like a mofo and not sleeping so of course I'm grumpy and unmotivated, you stupid s--t! Leave me the $%&* alone!!"

D sent a very sweet, thoughtful email last week when I was completely down in the dumps. After some research, he hypothesized that the birth control pills my doc had prescribed for my cramps were possibly leading to depression. Intrigued, I did my own research (how on earth did we ever survive without Google????). What I found was horrifying, depressing, and scary, but somehow invigorating at the same time. You mean, there might be a BIOLOGICAL reason I'm such a turd????

Perimenopause. The period of time just before a woman goes through menopause.

- Trouble sleeping. Check.
- Night sweats and/or hot flashes. Check.
- Irregular periods and/or heavy bleeding. - Check.
- Mood swings. Check.
- Loss of interest or feelings of hopelessness. Check.
- Forgetfulness. Check.
- Headaches. Check.
- Weight gain. Check.
- Fatigue. Check.
- Sore breasts. Check.
- Anxiety. Check.
- Loss of balance. Check.
- Plus a variety of other loveliness, the details of which I won't bore you with right now.

Other than D, only four people know I'm struggling with this: my mom, Karen, Heather, and another (male) running friend, who promptly replied, "No, you're too young!" Sadly, I'm not too young. Mom was 42 when she hit menopause, and her mother was in her 30s. I'm 43, folks. Do the math.

I'll know more when we get test results back. I left the doctor's office this morning with three prescriptions (who gets THREE slips from the ob/gyn???). Blood work, another pelvic ultrasound, and a different pill that's lower in progesterone. So while it may be a few weeks or even months until I know something, at least I know there may be an answer on the horizon and an explanation for why I'm just not myself anymore. Knowledge is power. I'm not thrilled about racing toward menopause at such a young age -- my overwhelming feeling is that my body is betraying me YET AGAIN -- but at least I will have some answers... and hopefully a path forward.

[tap tap] Is this thing on?

No comments about anything? Am I that boring?

Dear Sandman,

You can take your insomnia and shove it up your ass.

Ideal Racing Weight

I saw an article in Triathlete magazine that I found interesting. Admittedly, I didn't read the whole thing, so I don't know if there's some context I'm missing here, but the gist of the article was racing at your ideal weight. At the end, it included a formula for calculating it.

Things you must know before you start:
Current weight
Current body fat percentage
Goal body fat percentage

Here's the formula:

1. Calculate your body fat mass (weight x body fat %)
2. Calculate your lean body mass (weight - body fat mass)
3. Calculate your goal lean body mass (1 - goal body fat %)
4. GOAL WEIGHT = lean body mass / goal lean body mass

The final number was NOT what I expected.

My body

How's that for a potentially provocative title? ;)

A post on kickrunners.com piqued my interest. It was about an editor from some parenting magazine (one I've never heard of, possibly a British publication) who has sparked controversy by declaring that she finds breastfeeding creepy. One of her main reasons, apparently, was purely aesthetic; she wanted her breasts to recover from pregnancy sooner and be their perky selves again. Or something to that effect.

One of the posts on kickrunners was poignantly written. It described all the things a woman's body can do. That's what got me thinking.

I often feel betrayed by my body. One of the things I wish for most is a child, and it's been that way for decades. In my teens and twenties, I thought I'd be completely done with childbearing by the age of 30. I'd have two or three perfect little ones (at least one boy and one girl), plus a dog, a white picket fence, yadda yadda yadda.

Now 43, I haven't even started. All I have is one failed pregnancy, a miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks. And instead, my body twists and contorts and cramps and bleeds and spasms month after month. The cramps. Oh, the cramps! Two months ago I called my doctor in tears, begging for a hysterectomy, that's how bad the cramps are. This morning I collapsed on the sofa for nearly two hours, waiting for my beloved Advil to kick in.

So yes, I feel betrayed by my body. It does this to me month after month, but it won't do the one thing I really want it to. It hardly seems fair.

The post on kickrunners, though, made me reconsider. Instead of beating up my body, I should praise it. Love it. Nourish it.

Celebrate it for all it CAN do.

It can run. Jump. Laugh, smile, and cry. It can carry me for hours. It can bike, swim, do aerobics, build muscle, and stretch. It can kiss and hug loved ones. It can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. It can dance. Poorly. :) It can sing. Even more poorly! It can walk hand in hand. It can lift. It can tell jokes, listen, push, pull, duck, hit, kick, tickle, be tickled, and dodge. It can snuggle. It can pet. Cheer. Travel to far-away places both physical and mental. It can serve, bump, set, spike, and block. It can feed itself, dress itself, and tie its shoes. It can pray or meditate. It can nurture. Comfort. It can read. It can think. It can learn.

Most importantly, it can love.

Race Report

Saturday was the Parvin State Park sprint triathlon, my first race of the season. I signed up at the urging of three friends so we could all race together.

Race day was scheduled to be hot hot hot, but luckily with an 8 a.m. start time we'd be done before the scorching sun really started to bake everything below it. We carpooled (two cars, unfortunately, because of our bikes) and got to the race site with plenty of time to spare.

Three of us were in wave 3, and our fourth friend M (the fastest and youngest of the bunch) was 3 minutes behind us in wave 4. My goal was to stave her off for as long as possible on the bike. The swim was fine, except for the hundreds of green Milkdud-sized goobies (I don't know what else to call them!) that were floating around. As we waited for our wave to start, I asked my friend J what they were. "Goose poop," she calmly replied. I knew she was joking, but I couldn't get that image out of my head for the whole swim. I could feel them pummelling my hands as I swam, and I wasted a whole lot of mental and physical effort making sure my mouth was CLAMPED closed while I swam.

I was disappointed with my swim time. My official time was 10:03, but that includes running from the water to the mat. I was hoping for right around 9 minutes, but I think my actual swim time by my watch was 9:20 - 9:30ish. Because I saw others doing it, I made the mistake of standing and trying to run out of the water a little too early. I would have saved a few seconds if I'd kept swimming a bit longer.

Lesson 1 - keep swimming as long as you can. Don't worry about the people ahead of you and what they're doing.

T1 was fast (I rock in transitions), and I was off on the bike! I had seen my friend D as I exited transition, so now I had a secondary goal -- stave her off as long as possible too, since I know she's a stronger runner than I am AND she's in my age group. I had maybe a minute to 90 second advantage over her as I started the bike.

About 4 miles into the bike, M passed me. Drat, I was hoping to hold her off a while longer. 2.5 miles later, D passed me. Double drat! But at least it took her more than 6 miles to catch up to me. I started being more aggressive in my gearing to make up time, and I kept D in my sights as long as I could.

10 miles into the bike course, J passed me. Great. I was first out of the water of the four of us, but last off the bike. WTF??? Bike time was 38:27, nearly 19 mph average.

Lesson 2 - spend more time on bike training.

T2 was even faster than T1, and I started the run. Even IronEx, who was there to cheer us on and pay close attention to M, who hired him as her coach, was impressed by my transition time and how strong I looked as I started the run. As always, I started too fast. And as always, I felt as though I were going so s l o w l y compared to my bike speed. There were no mile markers on the run -- it was on trails in a state park -- so I had no clue how fast I was going. I just kept on going.

Lesson 3 - it's kinda nice to not be a slave to my watch. I should try that more often.

Pretty soon, I could hear the finish line. Yay! I tried to just hold on to my pace, and within a few minutes I turned the corner to the grassy finish area. I heard M yell my name, and I crossed the line at 1:15:40. Run time 24:13.

My time was good enough for 3rd in my age group. My friend D was 1st. (Congrats to her!!!)

Overall I'm pleased. My training has been VERY unfocused for several months. With little training -- and very little specific training -- I PRed for a sprint tri by nearly 2 minutes.

Now I need to figure out what's next. I have a 5K tomorrow and Splash & Dash on July 7, but then what? I won't be able to do an Olympic distance tri on July 17. I just haven't given myself adequate time to prepare, and while I know I can finish the distance, I also know I won't be happy doing it. I don't want to fake an Olympic, you know?

All race suggestions are welcome! Within reason... I'm not flying anywhere to race this year. :)

And then, just like that, you have one really awesome workout...

... and all is right with the world again.

I was planning to do a big group ride tonight. I've ridden with this group once, two years ago, and they are VERY aggressive. Tonight was my first free Tuesday night since April 20, and I summoned all my courage to join them.

Until I talked to M, my running and biking partner, who said that her coach (IronEx!) has her doing trainer workouts only this week, so no group ride for her. (We both are doing the same sprint tri on Saturday.) I offered to join her and asked what the workout was, and she said it was 35 minutes of biking on the trainer followed by a 1-mile run at 5K pace.

I was disappointed, as I really wanted a longer workout. I mean, that was going to be less than 45 minutes!

Well, what M failed to tell me was that it wasn't just any 35-minute bike ride. It was pure hell. All drills, tempo work, etc. And she also failed to mention that she apparently can't add. She forgot to include the recoveries!

Of course, I didn't know that until it was too late... so I got to her house early, set up my bike, set out my bike shoes like a race day scenario, and took off on a short run. 1.32 miles in 10:26 (7:55 pace). So far, so good.

And then I got on the bike and sweat more than I've ever sweat before. We were grunting, cursing, and basically dying on our bikes for 51+ minutes.

After which we still had to run a tempo mile! Which I ran in 7:16, thankyouverymuch.

And now I feel great. Relieved. Exhausted, to be sure. Confident. Vindicated, as ridiculous as that sounds. I have been beating myself up so badly for the past several weeks. To know that I'm still capable of such a great workout -- and such good paces -- despite my less than stellar training... well, it feels mighty fine.

Maybe Saturday's race won't be as disastrous as I've been fearing. Maybe it'll be OK after all.

So hard to choose...

This morning's Facebook status could have gone many ways. I had several options.

- Theia has lost her mojo. If you find it, please return it asap!
- Theia turned on the Half Ironman World Championship coverage on NBC yesterday to get inspired... but promptly fell asleep on the sofa watching it. Pathetic.
- Theia is desperate for a good night's sleep.
- Theia is a lazy POS.
- Theia is, quite frankly, filled with self-loathing.

You get the idea.

I'm so freaking tired of complaining about my insomnia and my lack of motivation and my weight and my laziness and my skipped workouts. Sick and tired of it.

Somehow, though, that's not enough to actually motivate me to do anything about it.

And that angers me even more.

Words of wisdom

Yesterday was Commencement Sunday -- three graduations in one day. One of the students who spoke at the second ceremony said this, and it moved me so much I wrote it down.

"Instead of trying to be better than the person next to you, try to be the best you."

Pretty deep for an 18 year-old, no?

I hope it inspires you as much as it inspired me.

Let's go Flyers!!

(clap clap clapclapclap)

Parenthood

Last night I watched part of the show Parenthood on NBC. I've seen bits and pieces of it before but never a whole episode. (I need to start getting ready for bed prior to 11 when it ends.) I know the basic gist of the show, in other words, even though I'm not someone who is glued to the tv for that hour.

Last night's show featured a single mom fighting with her teenage daughter. And a married couple fighting with their teenage daughter. And a dad lamenting the fact that his girlfriend was moving and taking their son with her. And other stuff, I'm sure, but that's what stuck with me.

As I watched, I kept wondering, "When's the good part? When will it show the good part of being a parent? When is the fun part?"

Because I gotta be honest with you. Watching that show did not make me EVER want to be a parent. Never.

My life is amazing right now. I am healthy. I am loved. I am surrounded by family and friends that I adore. I have a job I love and am fairly good at doing. I have time to do most of what I want to do. I have very few arguments and rarely raise my voice. Confrontations are few and far between.

I am happy.

The people on the show did not look happy.

So when's the good part? Because I went to bed last night thinking, "Oh. Hell. No."

Oh captain, my captain

Creature of habit

I've realized as I've gotten older that I am definitely a creature of habit. I tend to do things in a certain order or way... sometimes because of superstition or reason, but often just because.

For example, when I'm getting dressed I always put on bottoms before tops. That could be workout clothes, undergarments, pants/skirts vs. shirts, or whatever. I always put on my right sock before my left. Earrings go into my right ear before my left.

Why? Heck if I know.

So I'm wondering if you have similar rituals. And if you do, why? Do they occur in some areas of your life (pre-race, for example, which is the subject of my superstitious post a few weeks back) or all? Is there a reason for them? Do they comfort you? What happens if you don't follow them?

(Basically I want to know if I'm all alone in this obsessive behavior.) :)

Words to live by

Courtesy of Jimmy V.

"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special."

And again...

Let's go Flyers!!!! clap clap clapclapclap

Please vote for me

At the risk of looking like a complete egomaniac, I entered a contest with More magazine. The winner gets $10,000, a weekend in NYC, and a photo shoot for the mag (gulp!!!!).

Finalists are determined by votes... so would you mind voting for me? You do have to register, but I promise it takes just a minute.

Thanks, and feel free to forward to your friends, post to FB, etc! I'll take all the votes I can get. xoxox

http://www.more.com/category_contest/beauty_search_contest/date_pub?search=theia

(If the direct link doesn't work, search for Theia. I didn't use my real name. I'm getting more and more weirded out by the amount of personal stuff that's available on the Internet...)

THANK YOU!!

Random Thoughts

(In no particular order)

- Inexplicably, I am having a good hair day today, despite the rain and gloom.

- Lindt truffles are heaven on earth.

- Nothing is better than the sound of a child laughing.

- Chiropractors rock. So do massage therapists.

- I love drinking water and drink as much as I can handle each day. But I much prefer it to be c o l d. Like, teeth-chatteringly cold. What about you?

- I am excited to start speedwork again this week. Bring it!

- 4 days... just 4 more days...

- With any luck, this time next year I'll be a mom (or very close to it). Holy crap.

- I like my kooky, crazy, hectic schedule... most of the time. Sometimes, though, I wish life were simpler and less busy.

- Mean people suck ass. So do small-minded people. Or maybe that's redundant?

- Other sucky people: hypocrites, homophobes, racists, drama queens, attention whores, and unnecessarily competitive people.

- I am trying to decide between the NJ State Tri and Sunset Challenge Tri as my Olympic distance race this year. Both are in July, a week apart. All input is welcome!

- LET'S GO, FLYERS!!!!!!!!!!!

- Um, I think that's all for now. :)

Very superstitious...

I consider myself a pretty superstitious person, especially when it comes to pre-game or pre-race rituals. In college, I always read The Little Engine That Could before volleyball games, and I recited my mantra (I think I can I think I can I think I can) when I went back to the line to serve. While I didn't read the book during league play after graduation, I did keep reciting the mantra... and still do, in fact.

Now that I've transitioned to running and triathlons, I have my very specific pre-race rituals. I need to hear certain songs and eat certain foods the morning of a race. I have particular items of clothing I prefer -- not only because of comfort but also because of prior success wearing that particular thing. Like the volleyball mantra, the songs are key. I even sing them to myself on the course to motivate myself through a tough patch.

Perhaps the area of my life in which I'm most superstitious is Flyers hockey, however. Over the years, I've decided I have to hear certain songs on game days to ensure a win. When I go to playoff games, I wear the same outfit. On game days, I never, ever, ever wear team gear unless I am, in fact, going to the game. No jersey, no hat, no Flyers socks, no t-shirt, no sweatshirt. None of it, unless I'm actually going to attend. I've even noted which purse I carried or which colored hair tie I've worn on game days and tried to wear/carry the same one the next game.

I do realize, of course, that what I wear/eat/sing has no bearing on the outcome. I'm a relatively intelligent person. I know my little rituals cannot and do not affect the final score.

Still, it can't hurt to put on my lucky underwear...

Throwing in the towel

Well, it appears that the fates have conspired against me this spring. My goal races are not to be. And I'm OK with it. Promise.

Because I will have an out-of-town visitor the first weekend in May, I'm skipping Broad Street. Because I don't have the extra $$ to pay for my half marathon today -- the last day of the discount -- and because I'm simply too stubborn to pay $70 for it next week when I will have a few extra bucks, I'm skipping the half. That one is a harder pill to swallow, frankly. I really want to set a half marathon PR this year, and I was hoping to do it in the spring so I didn't have it hanging over my head all summer during triathlon season. But it's OK; I raced tris all summer and set a HM PR in 2008, and I can do it again this year.

What I'm wondering, though, is when it will get easier to get it all done. Work, working out, taking care of the pets/house/friends/family, all while trying to stay reasonably sane... It's not like I have a houseful of kids to take care of. Just the four-legged variety, and let's be honest -- they're a hell of a lot easier to care for than the two-legged ones are. :) So why's it so hard to do it all?

All I have to say is...

LET'S GO, FLYERS!!!




clap clap clapclapclap!

Take the pledge

Please and thank you.

To sleep, perchance to dream

Anyone who knows me knows I struggle with insomnia. Actually, suffer from insomnia is more accurate. The Sleep Gods simply are not my friends. A good night for me is anything more than 5-6 hours with less than 5-6 wake-ups during the wee hours. A more typical night is, well, 4-5 hours of highly interrupted shut-eye.

As a result, I'm cranky in the morning. I desperately want to hit the snooze button repeatedly, but I know that those precious 9 extra minutes will do more harm than good in the long run. By the time I return home from work, workouts, errands, and whatever else I have to do, I barely have the energy to eat, much less cook something healthy and wonderful. Dinner ends up being cereal or a frozen Lean Cuisine doodad or worse. Then I sit, zombie-like, on the sofa and try to unwind from the day and give the critters at least a little attention before heading upstairs to wash up, get my gym bag ready for the next day, and go to bed... ever hopeful that this will be the night I fall right asleep and stay asleep for the whole 7 or so hours I've budgeted for that exact purpose.

And in the middle of the night when I wake up yet again and check the clock for the umpteenth time (only 3:13 a.m... good, I still have almost 3 hours), I wonder why I struggle so with something that's so elementary.

So I ask you, dear friends, for your advice. What are your go-to methods for (a) falling asleep quickly, and (b) staying in la-la land until the alarm goes off? Please don't suggest drugs. Prescriptions whack me out so much that I hesitate to take them, even when I'm deathly ill. What other tricks and tips can you offer?

Little darlin'...

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
(I say) It's alright

My favorite song ever. Some of my favorite lyrics ever. And very appropriate for all of us in the mid-Atlantic this week.

The sun is shining, and because the trees aren't blooming yet it's beaming straight down onto our smiling, uplifted faces. The temperatures are warmer than normal for this time of year. People are happier, more carefree, more hopeful. Or at least I am.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Dogs are getting longer walks this week. Kids are outside dusting off their bikes and bike helmets, their skateboards and scooters. Neighbors are raking, mulching, mowing, and planning their landcaping. I haven't been, but I bet the Bark Park is packed.

This week also brought us Daylight Savings Time (far earlier than normal). Morning exercisers aren't happy about it, but everyone who relies on the after-school and after-work hours for their leisure time is thrilled with the light/warm combo.

Little darlin', it's been a long, cold, lonely winter

Were truer words ever penned?

The increased daylight and warm temps also are having a very positive impact on my workouts. Now that I can enjoy the outdoors more (and not fear for my life on snow- and ice-packed roads), I am much more excited about getting out there for miles on foot or, hopefully soon, on my bike. My A races also are rapidly approaching. Nothing like a goal race to motivate you!

So yeah. Lots of good stuff this week.

Race #2 - done and done

Race #2, a five-miler, is now in the books as well. There were TONS of friends at this one, all in our DRC uniform singlets. Before the race, two of my friends encouraged me to run with them, saying they'd be doing about an 8-minute pace. Perfect, since my goal was about 41 minutes.

The starting gun went off, and within a minute my two running partners had dropped me. I had them in my sights, but I wasn't comfortable with the pace. "Damn," I thought. "I really suck more than I thought I did! I can't even run 8s????"

Uh, no. I reached the one mile marker -- well behind my two pacers -- in 7:33. 8-minute miles, my a$$! I slowed myself down and congratulated myself on not trying to keep up with them.

Lesson 1 - Run your own race.

My splits were terrible (slower and slower each mile since I started off too fast).

Lesson 2 - Must. Work. On. Pacing.

After about 3 windy miles, my mind started to play tricks on me. I wanted to slow down even more. This wasn't an A race, after all. And I already lost all my friends, so who would notice?

I would. Keep running, Theia.

Lesson 3 - Coach is right. My brain is my worst enemy.

With about a half mile to go (maybe a bit less), I saw PhillyTom running toward me. Yay! He came back to run me in! What a nice guy. Unfortunately, he mostly heard me panting and gasping, but it was really nice of him to come back for me. Other friends were at the finish line, and it was fun to hear them cheering me in.

Official time 40:43. Not bad. Better than I expected, better than I did in the same race a few years ago, and pretty damn good considering how little I've been running.

Lesson 4 - Imagine what I can do if I really apply myself to this whole running thing.

Off to the races

Well, my first race of 2010 is in the books. And my lack of focused training was pretty clear. I have SO much work to do!

Healthplex Indoor Triathlon
(1/4 mile swim in a pool, 10 miles on a Spinning bike, and 2 mile run on an indoor track)

SWIM - 8:58 (a PR for that distance)
BIKE - 22:04
RUN - 15:47
TOTAL - 46:48, good enough for 2nd woman overall

Now, that doesn't sound so bad, so why am I beating myself up over it?

Because I WALKED during the run. A lousy 2-miler, and I had to walk about a quarter of a lap. I just. couldn't. keep. up. the. pace.

Some good stuff did come out of it.
A. My swim PR.
2. A huge improvement on the bike over last year, although we used different bikes so I'm sure that had something to do with it as well.
d. Despite walking, I still came in under 16 minutes for the run. Not too shabby.

I know where I need to focus, and it's on the roads. Now if it will just stop snowing, I might be able to actually get out there and do some real training.

Post #200

Yes, that's right folks. This is my 200th post!

Unfortunately, I don't have anything earth-shattering to say. Hell, I don't even have anything interesting to say! :)

Maybe my 300th post will be better. One can only hope... :)

For Maria :)

Because I know she'll appreciate this workout.

Monday's outdoor class had to be moved inside (again!) because of road conditions. There's no way I can take a group of people outside to run in the dark when the roads are covered with black ice. So it was off to the treadmills we went for pure t.o.r.t.u.r.e.

Run 10 minutes -- any pace, any incline

Hop off the treadmill and do 1 minute of squat thrusts

Run 10 minutes

Hop off and do 1 minute of burpees

Run 10 minutes

Hop off and do 1 minute of mountain climbers

Run 10 minutes

Hop off and do 1 minute of body builders

Stumble over to the mats, panting and sweating like ten whole men, to stretch and then do 1 minute of bicycles and a 1 minute plank.

The End.

Snow, snow go away...

Egad!

25 inches Friday night through Saturday afternoon. Another 8-16 inches expected tomorrow night through Wednesday. Did I move to Minneapolis or Denver or something? It's not supposed to snow this much in the Mid-Atlantic!

But climate change is a myth perpetuated by the liberals. Riiiiiiiight.

Am I crazy for even considering it??

I went to a party Saturday night and hung out with some pretty accomplished athletes (multiple Ironman races among them... really super studly folks!). Two in particular spent a large amount of time trying to talk me into a Half Ironman race this year.

I really have no interest in a Half Ironman. I mean, realistically we're talking about 6.5 to almost 7 hours of exercise. No thanks. Not for me. I'm far more suited to shorter, faster races. I'm all fast-twitch fibers, baby!

But their confidence in me has me thinking... I mean, why not? I'm always looking for new ways to torture, I mean challenge, myself. I know people who are far less fit who have finished the HIM distance and lived to tell about it. I know I can swim and run the distances with little difficulty. The 56-mile bike ride scares me a bit, especially when followed by a half marathon... but my training would amply prepare me for it.

Am I nuts to even think about doing this? Shouldn't I focus on my more immediate goal -- kicking the Olympic distance's ass this year? I really want to go back to the Northeast Triathlon and kick its butt. I know I can do better than I did two years ago, primarily because I now know exactly how hard I can push myself (which is WAY harder than I pushed on race day in 2008).

What say you?

Congratulate me!

I was offered an AWESOME new job this week. After much deliberation (not really... I knew I would say yes!), I accepted it.

As of February 1, I will go back to government as the Public Information Officer for the school district in which I live. As my friend Joe said, I'm going back where I belong.

My heart is heavy at the thought of leaving these kids behind, however. I will stay involved with the Fast Cats track team and the wonderful girl I tutor. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't. As torn as I am about leaving the kids, though, I know with absolute certainty that the new job is a better fit for me -- personally and professionally.

So far 2010 ROCKS.