If you've read this blog on any kind of regular basis, you probably have recognized that I haven't been myself recently. My moods have varied widely, my motivation is at an all-time low, and I'm not deriving pleasure from the things I have always loved. I'm also battling horrendous insomnia and female problems, but until recently (thank you, D) I hadn't realized there could be a connection... other than "I'm bleeding like a mofo and not sleeping so of course I'm grumpy and unmotivated, you stupid s--t! Leave me the $%&* alone!!"
D sent a very sweet, thoughtful email last week when I was completely down in the dumps. After some research, he hypothesized that the birth control pills my doc had prescribed for my cramps were possibly leading to depression. Intrigued, I did my own research (how on earth did we ever survive without Google????). What I found was horrifying, depressing, and scary, but somehow invigorating at the same time. You mean, there might be a BIOLOGICAL reason I'm such a turd????
Perimenopause. The period of time just before a woman goes through menopause.
- Trouble sleeping. Check.
- Night sweats and/or hot flashes. Check.
- Irregular periods and/or heavy bleeding. - Check.
- Mood swings. Check.
- Loss of interest or feelings of hopelessness. Check.
- Forgetfulness. Check.
- Headaches. Check.
- Weight gain. Check.
- Fatigue. Check.
- Sore breasts. Check.
- Anxiety. Check.
- Loss of balance. Check.
- Plus a variety of other loveliness, the details of which I won't bore you with right now.
Other than D, only four people know I'm struggling with this: my mom, Karen, Heather, and another (male) running friend, who promptly replied, "No, you're too young!" Sadly, I'm not too young. Mom was 42 when she hit menopause, and her mother was in her 30s. I'm 43, folks. Do the math.
I'll know more when we get test results back. I left the doctor's office this morning with three prescriptions (who gets THREE slips from the ob/gyn???). Blood work, another pelvic ultrasound, and a different pill that's lower in progesterone. So while it may be a few weeks or even months until I know something, at least I know there may be an answer on the horizon and an explanation for why I'm just not myself anymore. Knowledge is power. I'm not thrilled about racing toward menopause at such a young age -- my overwhelming feeling is that my body is betraying me YET AGAIN -- but at least I will have some answers... and hopefully a path forward.
6 comments:
I'm so glad this may be leading to some answers. Whether it was just the wrong pill or it is perimenopause, I agree that knowledge is power.
You're such a strong person. I admire you for putting this out there.
I cannot recall if you've been checked out for fibroids but your symptoms sound similar to those as well. Hugs!
(((Theia))) I hope that you do get some answers from this new route of investigation.
Thanks, friends. Maria, the u/s is a follow-up to one I had a few months ago. A cyst was indeed discovered, so this second u/s is to see if there are any changes in size.
Fun times.
alexis, i'm so sorry that you've been feeling so cruddy. theres nothing like not having an explanation for what the cause is. i hope that you find your answer and thus, the solution soon! only the warmest, most positive vibes coming your way. its been a long, tough one but there are so many of us on your side. hang in there!
xoxo,
missy
It's amazing you do what you do while you've battling these issues - I sure hope this is the end of the mystery and that you'll be starting down that road to recovery
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