Solitude

I'm a bachelorette this weekend. Four days to myself. I'm invited to 2 parties tomorrow evening, but I don't really want to go to either. I had a fun time dancing with gay boys last night, but my euphoria at being out in a club quickly wore off. I had a decent 8 mile run this morning -- surprising considering my lack of sleep, lack of proper hydration and nutrition, and the oppressive humidity -- but I'm still not feeling like myself.

Life is hard. There are constant challenges to navigate, difficult decisions to make, and expectations -- your own and others' -- to live up to. Stress is taking its toll on me, and I'm not handling it well. I spent 2 hours at the pool today with tears streaming down my face. I simply could not stop them. Thankfully the pool was not crowded.

I really should use these four days to meditate, think, pray... whatever you want to call it. It's all the same. Instead, all I want to do is hole up in my house and escape from reality. Cry. Scream. Hit something. I'm tired of thinking. I was told recently that I overthink things, and I suppose that's not too far from the truth.

One of my favorite Pearl Jam songs is Hail Hail. At one point, Eddie Vedder sings, "I don't want to think. I want to feel." That's what I want too, Eddie. But how do I do it? How do I turn off my brain and all that's worrying me? I honestly don't know how.

So I'll go through the motions this weekend. I'll take Miss Shaggy to the dog park later today, and I'll make brief appearances at the parties, and I'll run Monday morning like my life depends on it.

I'll muddle through. I always do.

44 days!

Until...

JOE!

The pressure is on! Poll results.

74% of you think I'll do Monday's 4 mile race in less than 32 minutes. OK, now I have a goal. I won't let you down! :)

Yeah!

Remember my long run a few weeks ago? The 12.1 mile one that I hated?

Same course today... 12.5 minutes faster!

Yeah, baby!!!

I love this picture!

That's possibly my best race finish picture ever. I don't look nearly as miserable as I felt at that point, plus I've still got some spring in my step after more than 3 hours of racing.

(Which just proves that I dogged the race and had way more to give. Oh well. Now I know.)