If you've read this blog on any kind of regular basis, you probably have recognized that I haven't been myself recently. My moods have varied widely, my motivation is at an all-time low, and I'm not deriving pleasure from the things I have always loved. I'm also battling horrendous insomnia and female problems, but until recently (thank you, D) I hadn't realized there could be a connection... other than "I'm bleeding like a mofo and not sleeping so of course I'm grumpy and unmotivated, you stupid s--t! Leave me the $%&* alone!!"
D sent a very sweet, thoughtful email last week when I was completely down in the dumps. After some research, he hypothesized that the birth control pills my doc had prescribed for my cramps were possibly leading to depression. Intrigued, I did my own research (how on earth did we ever survive without Google????). What I found was horrifying, depressing, and scary, but somehow invigorating at the same time. You mean, there might be a BIOLOGICAL reason I'm such a turd????
Perimenopause. The period of time just before a woman goes through menopause.
- Trouble sleeping. Check.
- Night sweats and/or hot flashes. Check.
- Irregular periods and/or heavy bleeding. - Check.
- Mood swings. Check.
- Loss of interest or feelings of hopelessness. Check.
- Forgetfulness. Check.
- Headaches. Check.
- Weight gain. Check.
- Fatigue. Check.
- Sore breasts. Check.
- Anxiety. Check.
- Loss of balance. Check.
- Plus a variety of other loveliness, the details of which I won't bore you with right now.
Other than D, only four people know I'm struggling with this: my mom, Karen, Heather, and another (male) running friend, who promptly replied, "No, you're too young!" Sadly, I'm not too young. Mom was 42 when she hit menopause, and her mother was in her 30s. I'm 43, folks. Do the math.
I'll know more when we get test results back. I left the doctor's office this morning with three prescriptions (who gets THREE slips from the ob/gyn???). Blood work, another pelvic ultrasound, and a different pill that's lower in progesterone. So while it may be a few weeks or even months until I know something, at least I know there may be an answer on the horizon and an explanation for why I'm just not myself anymore. Knowledge is power. I'm not thrilled about racing toward menopause at such a young age -- my overwhelming feeling is that my body is betraying me YET AGAIN -- but at least I will have some answers... and hopefully a path forward.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Ideal Racing Weight
I saw an article in Triathlete magazine that I found interesting. Admittedly, I didn't read the whole thing, so I don't know if there's some context I'm missing here, but the gist of the article was racing at your ideal weight. At the end, it included a formula for calculating it.
Things you must know before you start:
Current weight
Current body fat percentage
Goal body fat percentage
Here's the formula:
1. Calculate your body fat mass (weight x body fat %)
2. Calculate your lean body mass (weight - body fat mass)
3. Calculate your goal lean body mass (1 - goal body fat %)
4. GOAL WEIGHT = lean body mass / goal lean body mass
The final number was NOT what I expected.
Things you must know before you start:
Current weight
Current body fat percentage
Goal body fat percentage
Here's the formula:
1. Calculate your body fat mass (weight x body fat %)
2. Calculate your lean body mass (weight - body fat mass)
3. Calculate your goal lean body mass (1 - goal body fat %)
4. GOAL WEIGHT = lean body mass / goal lean body mass
The final number was NOT what I expected.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
My body
How's that for a potentially provocative title? ;)
A post on kickrunners.com piqued my interest. It was about an editor from some parenting magazine (one I've never heard of, possibly a British publication) who has sparked controversy by declaring that she finds breastfeeding creepy. One of her main reasons, apparently, was purely aesthetic; she wanted her breasts to recover from pregnancy sooner and be their perky selves again. Or something to that effect.
One of the posts on kickrunners was poignantly written. It described all the things a woman's body can do. That's what got me thinking.
I often feel betrayed by my body. One of the things I wish for most is a child, and it's been that way for decades. In my teens and twenties, I thought I'd be completely done with childbearing by the age of 30. I'd have two or three perfect little ones (at least one boy and one girl), plus a dog, a white picket fence, yadda yadda yadda.
Now 43, I haven't even started. All I have is one failed pregnancy, a miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks. And instead, my body twists and contorts and cramps and bleeds and spasms month after month. The cramps. Oh, the cramps! Two months ago I called my doctor in tears, begging for a hysterectomy, that's how bad the cramps are. This morning I collapsed on the sofa for nearly two hours, waiting for my beloved Advil to kick in.
So yes, I feel betrayed by my body. It does this to me month after month, but it won't do the one thing I really want it to. It hardly seems fair.
The post on kickrunners, though, made me reconsider. Instead of beating up my body, I should praise it. Love it. Nourish it.
Celebrate it for all it CAN do.
It can run. Jump. Laugh, smile, and cry. It can carry me for hours. It can bike, swim, do aerobics, build muscle, and stretch. It can kiss and hug loved ones. It can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. It can dance. Poorly. :) It can sing. Even more poorly! It can walk hand in hand. It can lift. It can tell jokes, listen, push, pull, duck, hit, kick, tickle, be tickled, and dodge. It can snuggle. It can pet. Cheer. Travel to far-away places both physical and mental. It can serve, bump, set, spike, and block. It can feed itself, dress itself, and tie its shoes. It can pray or meditate. It can nurture. Comfort. It can read. It can think. It can learn.
Most importantly, it can love.
A post on kickrunners.com piqued my interest. It was about an editor from some parenting magazine (one I've never heard of, possibly a British publication) who has sparked controversy by declaring that she finds breastfeeding creepy. One of her main reasons, apparently, was purely aesthetic; she wanted her breasts to recover from pregnancy sooner and be their perky selves again. Or something to that effect.
One of the posts on kickrunners was poignantly written. It described all the things a woman's body can do. That's what got me thinking.
I often feel betrayed by my body. One of the things I wish for most is a child, and it's been that way for decades. In my teens and twenties, I thought I'd be completely done with childbearing by the age of 30. I'd have two or three perfect little ones (at least one boy and one girl), plus a dog, a white picket fence, yadda yadda yadda.
Now 43, I haven't even started. All I have is one failed pregnancy, a miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks. And instead, my body twists and contorts and cramps and bleeds and spasms month after month. The cramps. Oh, the cramps! Two months ago I called my doctor in tears, begging for a hysterectomy, that's how bad the cramps are. This morning I collapsed on the sofa for nearly two hours, waiting for my beloved Advil to kick in.
So yes, I feel betrayed by my body. It does this to me month after month, but it won't do the one thing I really want it to. It hardly seems fair.
The post on kickrunners, though, made me reconsider. Instead of beating up my body, I should praise it. Love it. Nourish it.
Celebrate it for all it CAN do.
It can run. Jump. Laugh, smile, and cry. It can carry me for hours. It can bike, swim, do aerobics, build muscle, and stretch. It can kiss and hug loved ones. It can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. It can dance. Poorly. :) It can sing. Even more poorly! It can walk hand in hand. It can lift. It can tell jokes, listen, push, pull, duck, hit, kick, tickle, be tickled, and dodge. It can snuggle. It can pet. Cheer. Travel to far-away places both physical and mental. It can serve, bump, set, spike, and block. It can feed itself, dress itself, and tie its shoes. It can pray or meditate. It can nurture. Comfort. It can read. It can think. It can learn.
Most importantly, it can love.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Race Report
Saturday was the Parvin State Park sprint triathlon, my first race of the season. I signed up at the urging of three friends so we could all race together.
Race day was scheduled to be hot hot hot, but luckily with an 8 a.m. start time we'd be done before the scorching sun really started to bake everything below it. We carpooled (two cars, unfortunately, because of our bikes) and got to the race site with plenty of time to spare.
Three of us were in wave 3, and our fourth friend M (the fastest and youngest of the bunch) was 3 minutes behind us in wave 4. My goal was to stave her off for as long as possible on the bike. The swim was fine, except for the hundreds of green Milkdud-sized goobies (I don't know what else to call them!) that were floating around. As we waited for our wave to start, I asked my friend J what they were. "Goose poop," she calmly replied. I knew she was joking, but I couldn't get that image out of my head for the whole swim. I could feel them pummelling my hands as I swam, and I wasted a whole lot of mental and physical effort making sure my mouth was CLAMPED closed while I swam.
I was disappointed with my swim time. My official time was 10:03, but that includes running from the water to the mat. I was hoping for right around 9 minutes, but I think my actual swim time by my watch was 9:20 - 9:30ish. Because I saw others doing it, I made the mistake of standing and trying to run out of the water a little too early. I would have saved a few seconds if I'd kept swimming a bit longer.
Lesson 1 - keep swimming as long as you can. Don't worry about the people ahead of you and what they're doing.
T1 was fast (I rock in transitions), and I was off on the bike! I had seen my friend D as I exited transition, so now I had a secondary goal -- stave her off as long as possible too, since I know she's a stronger runner than I am AND she's in my age group. I had maybe a minute to 90 second advantage over her as I started the bike.
About 4 miles into the bike, M passed me. Drat, I was hoping to hold her off a while longer. 2.5 miles later, D passed me. Double drat! But at least it took her more than 6 miles to catch up to me. I started being more aggressive in my gearing to make up time, and I kept D in my sights as long as I could.
10 miles into the bike course, J passed me. Great. I was first out of the water of the four of us, but last off the bike. WTF??? Bike time was 38:27, nearly 19 mph average.
Lesson 2 - spend more time on bike training.
T2 was even faster than T1, and I started the run. Even IronEx, who was there to cheer us on and pay close attention to M, who hired him as her coach, was impressed by my transition time and how strong I looked as I started the run. As always, I started too fast. And as always, I felt as though I were going so s l o w l y compared to my bike speed. There were no mile markers on the run -- it was on trails in a state park -- so I had no clue how fast I was going. I just kept on going.
Lesson 3 - it's kinda nice to not be a slave to my watch. I should try that more often.
Pretty soon, I could hear the finish line. Yay! I tried to just hold on to my pace, and within a few minutes I turned the corner to the grassy finish area. I heard M yell my name, and I crossed the line at 1:15:40. Run time 24:13.
My time was good enough for 3rd in my age group. My friend D was 1st. (Congrats to her!!!)
Overall I'm pleased. My training has been VERY unfocused for several months. With little training -- and very little specific training -- I PRed for a sprint tri by nearly 2 minutes.
Now I need to figure out what's next. I have a 5K tomorrow and Splash & Dash on July 7, but then what? I won't be able to do an Olympic distance tri on July 17. I just haven't given myself adequate time to prepare, and while I know I can finish the distance, I also know I won't be happy doing it. I don't want to fake an Olympic, you know?
All race suggestions are welcome! Within reason... I'm not flying anywhere to race this year. :)
Race day was scheduled to be hot hot hot, but luckily with an 8 a.m. start time we'd be done before the scorching sun really started to bake everything below it. We carpooled (two cars, unfortunately, because of our bikes) and got to the race site with plenty of time to spare.
Three of us were in wave 3, and our fourth friend M (the fastest and youngest of the bunch) was 3 minutes behind us in wave 4. My goal was to stave her off for as long as possible on the bike. The swim was fine, except for the hundreds of green Milkdud-sized goobies (I don't know what else to call them!) that were floating around. As we waited for our wave to start, I asked my friend J what they were. "Goose poop," she calmly replied. I knew she was joking, but I couldn't get that image out of my head for the whole swim. I could feel them pummelling my hands as I swam, and I wasted a whole lot of mental and physical effort making sure my mouth was CLAMPED closed while I swam.
I was disappointed with my swim time. My official time was 10:03, but that includes running from the water to the mat. I was hoping for right around 9 minutes, but I think my actual swim time by my watch was 9:20 - 9:30ish. Because I saw others doing it, I made the mistake of standing and trying to run out of the water a little too early. I would have saved a few seconds if I'd kept swimming a bit longer.
Lesson 1 - keep swimming as long as you can. Don't worry about the people ahead of you and what they're doing.
T1 was fast (I rock in transitions), and I was off on the bike! I had seen my friend D as I exited transition, so now I had a secondary goal -- stave her off as long as possible too, since I know she's a stronger runner than I am AND she's in my age group. I had maybe a minute to 90 second advantage over her as I started the bike.
About 4 miles into the bike, M passed me. Drat, I was hoping to hold her off a while longer. 2.5 miles later, D passed me. Double drat! But at least it took her more than 6 miles to catch up to me. I started being more aggressive in my gearing to make up time, and I kept D in my sights as long as I could.
10 miles into the bike course, J passed me. Great. I was first out of the water of the four of us, but last off the bike. WTF??? Bike time was 38:27, nearly 19 mph average.
Lesson 2 - spend more time on bike training.
T2 was even faster than T1, and I started the run. Even IronEx, who was there to cheer us on and pay close attention to M, who hired him as her coach, was impressed by my transition time and how strong I looked as I started the run. As always, I started too fast. And as always, I felt as though I were going so s l o w l y compared to my bike speed. There were no mile markers on the run -- it was on trails in a state park -- so I had no clue how fast I was going. I just kept on going.
Lesson 3 - it's kinda nice to not be a slave to my watch. I should try that more often.
Pretty soon, I could hear the finish line. Yay! I tried to just hold on to my pace, and within a few minutes I turned the corner to the grassy finish area. I heard M yell my name, and I crossed the line at 1:15:40. Run time 24:13.
My time was good enough for 3rd in my age group. My friend D was 1st. (Congrats to her!!!)
Overall I'm pleased. My training has been VERY unfocused for several months. With little training -- and very little specific training -- I PRed for a sprint tri by nearly 2 minutes.
Now I need to figure out what's next. I have a 5K tomorrow and Splash & Dash on July 7, but then what? I won't be able to do an Olympic distance tri on July 17. I just haven't given myself adequate time to prepare, and while I know I can finish the distance, I also know I won't be happy doing it. I don't want to fake an Olympic, you know?
All race suggestions are welcome! Within reason... I'm not flying anywhere to race this year. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)