5. You walk into a room and immediately forget why you went there. Bonus points if you have to go up or down stairs to do this. Extra bonus points if you do it at work in plain view of all your coworkers while mumbling under your breath and looking completely befuddled.
4. You call people by the wrong name. Regularly. Even when they're wearing a name tag.
3. You call yourself by the wrong name. (Seriously. A coworker did this a few weeks ago. She is named Kim, and the person I was calling is also named Kim. Kim 1 picked up Kim 2's line and said, "XYZ Department, this is Kim 2. I mean Kim 1!")
2. You talk to yourself. And then you answer yourself. And have a little conversation, sort of.
1. You take a shower and forget to actually wash yourself. This morning I got in the shower, washed my hair, washed my face, applied conditioner, shaved my legs, and got out. About 20 minutes later, when I was already half ready for work, I realized I never used soap on any part of my body other than my face. What the what????
Friday, February 10, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Yes, another television post
We pay something like $130 for cable (home Internet is bundled in there too, but our PC is so ancient that it's practically worthless). For our $130, we have access to a bazilion channels, exactly three of which are actually worth watching.
I mean, really? There's a show called Swamp People? And one about people who fish with their hands? WTF?
And let's not even mention Toddlers and Tiaras, Bridezillas, the Real Housewives of Who the F Cares, Jersey Shore, etc.
So here are some tv shows I'd like to propose. Surely one of my 2,000 channels can accomodate my humble request.
1. Kicking Out the Kardashians (alternate title: Kourtney and Kim Go Away)
2. Real Housewives Who Donate Money and Time to Charitable Causes
3. Toddlers Who Look and Act Like Toddlers
4. Extreme Cagefighting: Housewives vs. Mob Wives
5. The Bachelor Meets a Nice Girl All On His Own
I mean, really? There's a show called Swamp People? And one about people who fish with their hands? WTF?
And let's not even mention Toddlers and Tiaras, Bridezillas, the Real Housewives of Who the F Cares, Jersey Shore, etc.
So here are some tv shows I'd like to propose. Surely one of my 2,000 channels can accomodate my humble request.
1. Kicking Out the Kardashians (alternate title: Kourtney and Kim Go Away)
2. Real Housewives Who Donate Money and Time to Charitable Causes
3. Toddlers Who Look and Act Like Toddlers
4. Extreme Cagefighting: Housewives vs. Mob Wives
5. The Bachelor Meets a Nice Girl All On His Own
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I have to stop watching The Biggest Loser
Seriously, I don't think a bigger group of complete assholes has ever been assembled in the history of the world. There is not one person I like on the cast, yet I keep watching every week. WTF is my problem?
This week the aqua team won the right to come back on the ranch after being eliminated in the first minute of the first episode. Immediately, the reaction from the other players was not only negative, but downright nasty. At first, I felt sorry for them, especially Adrian, but by the show's end I was turning on him too.
Some impressions:
Adrian -- Needs to learn to just shut his yap.
Conda -- Quite possibly the ugliest, nastiest, most two-faced person I have ever seen. Why she hasn't been eliminated is beyond me. No one has even cast one vote for her, despite all the drama and tension she continues to create. It just proves that the producers call the shots; she's obviously still there for drama purposes.
Kim -- Running a close second to Conda.
Chism -- I liked him at first, but last night he was pretty nasty to a teammate.
Jeremy -- Conda's brother. 'Nuff said. He's extremely immature but not nearly as toxic as his assholic sister.
Bob -- What can I say about Bob? How about this:
Dear Bob,
Contrary to your overly inflated ego and incredibly warped sense of self-worth, you did not invent every workout move ever made. Nor are you the best trainer in the history of the world. And why does your fake southern accent get more pronounced every season?
Sincerely,
Theia
Edited to add: Holy hell, I just found this and cannot. stop. laughing.
This week the aqua team won the right to come back on the ranch after being eliminated in the first minute of the first episode. Immediately, the reaction from the other players was not only negative, but downright nasty. At first, I felt sorry for them, especially Adrian, but by the show's end I was turning on him too.
Some impressions:
Adrian -- Needs to learn to just shut his yap.
Conda -- Quite possibly the ugliest, nastiest, most two-faced person I have ever seen. Why she hasn't been eliminated is beyond me. No one has even cast one vote for her, despite all the drama and tension she continues to create. It just proves that the producers call the shots; she's obviously still there for drama purposes.
Kim -- Running a close second to Conda.
Chism -- I liked him at first, but last night he was pretty nasty to a teammate.
Jeremy -- Conda's brother. 'Nuff said. He's extremely immature but not nearly as toxic as his assholic sister.
Bob -- What can I say about Bob? How about this:
Dear Bob,
Contrary to your overly inflated ego and incredibly warped sense of self-worth, you did not invent every workout move ever made. Nor are you the best trainer in the history of the world. And why does your fake southern accent get more pronounced every season?
Sincerely,
Theia
Edited to add: Holy hell, I just found this and cannot. stop. laughing.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Let the training begin
To take advantage an early bird discount, I signed up yesterday for the Caesar Rodney Half Marathon on March 25.
This race is an absolute bear. Hilly, usually cold and wet, hilly, lonely, no crowd support, hilly, and did I mention it's hilly? Oh, and there's a big uphill finish. Lovely.
But, as my friends pointed out, it coincides perfectly with the start of my marathon training, so let's get to it.
No matter what, I will get a course PR. I did this same race in 2002 on literally no training. Back then, I was a girl who worked out in the gym all the time and maybe ran once or twice a month (half an hour on the treadmill) to mix it up. My training for the race consisted of two one-hour runs on the treadmill in the 3 weeks leading up to the race. I had no respect for the distance. I figured, "Hell, I've done a few 5Ks and I'm in great shape. I'll be fine."
As you can guess, it did not go well. :) I finished, but it was the most painful, horrible, humbling athletic experience of my life. My time was downright embarrassing (2:35ish, if I remember correctly). I cried tear of relief and humiliation as I crossed the finish line, sure I was dead last.
Worse yet, I didn't have the right cold-weather tech clothes and never warmed up on the very cold day, and my running shoes weren't right for my feet. I ended up with internal bruising and jaundice in both feet from the lack of circulation and lack of proper support. Yes, my feet were YELLOW.
So yes. It will be a course PR this time around. You can bet on that.
This race is an absolute bear. Hilly, usually cold and wet, hilly, lonely, no crowd support, hilly, and did I mention it's hilly? Oh, and there's a big uphill finish. Lovely.
But, as my friends pointed out, it coincides perfectly with the start of my marathon training, so let's get to it.
No matter what, I will get a course PR. I did this same race in 2002 on literally no training. Back then, I was a girl who worked out in the gym all the time and maybe ran once or twice a month (half an hour on the treadmill) to mix it up. My training for the race consisted of two one-hour runs on the treadmill in the 3 weeks leading up to the race. I had no respect for the distance. I figured, "Hell, I've done a few 5Ks and I'm in great shape. I'll be fine."
As you can guess, it did not go well. :) I finished, but it was the most painful, horrible, humbling athletic experience of my life. My time was downright embarrassing (2:35ish, if I remember correctly). I cried tear of relief and humiliation as I crossed the finish line, sure I was dead last.
Worse yet, I didn't have the right cold-weather tech clothes and never warmed up on the very cold day, and my running shoes weren't right for my feet. I ended up with internal bruising and jaundice in both feet from the lack of circulation and lack of proper support. Yes, my feet were YELLOW.
So yes. It will be a course PR this time around. You can bet on that.
Friday, January 27, 2012
One week ago
I had been working out like a fiend. I felt good about my workouts. I felt great about myself. I was toned and trim. My body felt nice and tight.
One week ago, I was really happy with myself -- that elusive, all-too-infrequent happiness about how I looked and felt.
And then I got sick.
And skipped not one, not two, not three, but FOUR days of workouts. In a row.
And now I feel squishy. Soft. Lethargic and lazy. Yuck.
Back to square one, I guess. Starting tomorrow.
One week ago, I was really happy with myself -- that elusive, all-too-infrequent happiness about how I looked and felt.
And then I got sick.
And skipped not one, not two, not three, but FOUR days of workouts. In a row.
And now I feel squishy. Soft. Lethargic and lazy. Yuck.
Back to square one, I guess. Starting tomorrow.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Ice skating in Central Park
If you have not done this, get to NYC immediately and do it. It's worth the money. It's worth the crowd. It's worth the anxiety about falling and making a fool of yourself. Skating in Central Park was even more fun than I could have imagined.
As you're skating, this is your view. This is your view, people!!!!!
One of the highlights for me was skating around on a beautiful, clear, cold day with the skyline of New York above me and U2's "The Sweetest Thing" playing on the loudspeakers. It really doesn't get better than that.
By the time we were done, it was starting to get dark. Next time (and there will be a next time), I'm definitely staying until nightfall and skating under the stars.
As you're skating, this is your view. This is your view, people!!!!!
One of the highlights for me was skating around on a beautiful, clear, cold day with the skyline of New York above me and U2's "The Sweetest Thing" playing on the loudspeakers. It really doesn't get better than that.
By the time we were done, it was starting to get dark. Next time (and there will be a next time), I'm definitely staying until nightfall and skating under the stars.
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